What The Experts Are Forgetting To Tell You
How to save your marriage: it’s the topic of dozens if not hundreds of self-help books, yet divorce seems to be as “popular” as ever? It’s not necessarily because the advice in those books is bunk, either. Usually it’s because, no matter how much good advice you get, there are some things about your approach to your marriage that need to change before you can even take
advantage of those tips.
Rule out divorce!
If you’ve been talking about divorce, but neither of you really want it, banish all talk of it from your conversations. It’s not an option, so why are you even mentioning it? Some people tend to use the d-word as a threat, even though they never plan to carry through. The problem with that is the more often you bring up the subject, the more likely it is to
become a reality.
Remember respect!
Can you remember your first few dates, when you hardly knew each other and were nervous just to be around each other? You said “please” and “thank you” and if any disagreements came up you patiently and politely resolved them? You don’t have to fall in love all over again (at least, not right this minute), but if you want to find out how to save your marriage, at least try to get back to that level of respect with each other.
Accept that your spouse is imperfect!
When you’re newlyweds, it’s easy to ignore those annoying little habits your partner might have like leaving clothes on the floor or forgetting to fill the gas tank. After a few years living together, though, the irritation builds up and you start to wish your spouse would just stop it already. The next time your spouse does something that irritates you, consider whether it’s really all that serious. If not, let it go.
Stop criticizing!
Even if you’ve managed to accomplish the goal above, this one’s easier said than done. Once you’ve fallen into the habit, it takes some effort to stop, but try to avoid verbally attacking your spouse for doing something you don’t like. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let them know when something they do bothers you, but doing so in a non-judgmental way can make life a
lot easier.
Learn about the opposite gender!
No, sitting in the park and watching them walk by doesn’t count. I mean taking an open-minded approach to understanding the way the opposite gender typically approaches intimate relationships. You may think because you’ve been around them all your life you know them. But you might be surprised how what you learn can help you discover how to save your marriage. And if do you learn something that surprises you, don’t take some book’s word for it. Ask your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and you just may hit a major revelation.
Figuring out how to save a marriage doesn’t have to be complicated, but you can’t rely on the free information you find on the Internet. Even self-help books written by professional marriage counselors leave out some of the fundamentals, so as you try to mend your marriage, make sure you start with a good foundation.